This Women’s Day in 2025, I could have written a lot on women or about women. However, on a different purpose, I thought of making their lives better by helping men understand them better. A begining to better relationships.

I know a fair number of women who have contributed to my knowledge and experience. Without naming them, this is a glowing tribute to all of them.

Women are an enigma, having said that I have been trying to understand them from childhood, an impossible task, I should say! Like many kids with absentee fathers, I used to play in the kitchen while my mother did her chores and her friends spoke about their husbands, no end. Mostly disappointed, but then you do need two hands to clap.

Despite all that I understand, I still feel women are an enigma, not only to me but for most men. They are the most wonderful creatures God created and having a joyful, peaceful and passionate relationship with a woman is bliss.

In my experience with women, there are certain traits that men should understand to find that bliss.

• Being trustworthy: A woman will always opt for a man she can trust. And, trust is not about faithfulness, it is about who he is and the quality of keeping his word. Swollen bank balances, six-packs abs or just being handsome doesn’t cut it. It is about being ‘trustworthy’.

• Keeping her safe: A woman needs to feel safe with her man. It is a fact that the ones closest to us give us most wounds. A woman expects her man to protect her, not only from the world, but also from his own anger. The foundation to safety is the trustworthiness – that the man is there for her and she can count on him to do what she says. A man needs a safe harbour, more than sex. And, a woman who trusts him will let him inside her, to touch her with body, mind and spirit, deeply.

• Understanding her fears: Men experience fear often, but women always live in fear. Men can go out anywhere even after dark, but a woman needs to think twice. Men do not have the fear of being raped or assaulted but women live in constant anxiety. Understanding these inherent fears of women is crucial to a man.

• Behaviour towards her:

1. Empathy:  Empathise with your woman, always. There are no right or wrong feelings, or they may not make sense to you, yet, tune into her feeling. Empathising is not agreement. Seek to understand. Men love fixing things, resist the temptation. Try to understand what she wants.
2. Attention: Give your woman, your full attention. This doesn’t mean watching TV together or playing chess with her. When your woman engages with you, she wants full attention.
3. Listen: When your woman is upset with something, someone or even you, just listen. Do not try to justify yourself, resist the feeling.
4. Contact: When your woman is speaking to you turn towards her and maintain eye contact. This equals intimacy in a woman’s terms.

• Emotional engagement: When you are playing a game, as a man, emotions during that game are just a distraction which you deal with immediately and get on with the game. For a woman, in the same game, sharing and talking emotions is primary and the game itself is a foundation for relationship building.

I hope this reaches most men and women I know. If it reaches a women, do forward it to your man, in good faith. 🙂